I knew it was gonna suck. I was pretty certain that it might even piss me off a bit. But I had no idea how angry I would be after watching the celluloid turd that is the Dukes of Hazzard movie.

I'm 33; I grew up watching the Dukes on tele, back in the "three network" days. Hell, we even played the Dukes of Hazzard in school, although I don't remember exactly how we did this. (All I remember is that I was always Bo, because I had blonde hair.)

The show was goofy, but it was fun. Lots of car chases, some explosions, and Daisy in her short shorts- what more could an eight-year-old want? Classic, cheesy 70's/80's fluff television, and I look back on it fondly.

The first thing about the movie that really set me on edge was Junior Brown as narrator. Don't get me wrong, I love Junior's music, but he's not even the beginnings of a pimple on the late, great Waylon Jenning's ass when it comes to narrating the Dukes. Couldn't they have found someone that sounded a tiny bit like Waylon?

Then you've got the "new and improved" characterizations: Uncle Jesse telling dirty jokes and swearing, Roscoe turned into a generic, movie thug-cop, Cooter trying to get a BJ from Daisy, fer crissakes?!? And that's not even getting into the tired excuse of a plot, the horrible dialogue... I could go on and on but just thinking about it is turning the mad back on.

I've seen a lot of bad movies recently; hell it seems like that's about all Hollywood is able to crank out nowadays (where are you, Joel and Ethan Coen?), but if this is the best filmmakers- and I use that word hesitantly- can do, it's time to hang it up and call it a day.